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Sometimes I write something going into it knowing what I am trying to say inside, and then what comes out sounds like a bunch of gobbledygook and does not quite encapsulate the idea at all, and veers far, far away from what it is that I was trying to say; And while it may be fun to read, it's not as powerful as otherwise could be. This is mostly due to the fact that when I write for myself, my head is in a nebulous state; But when people ask me questions, the result is much more narrowly focused. This ends up being something that ends up looking like an outline for an article about a topic, or what would amount to pretty decent footnotes or "kernels" for later expansion on varying tenets and topics within a particular thought discipline.

I am going to try something new, based on an observation I had last night, where I was describing some views on life and philosophy and will share those as a new article, giving as little context as possible to what prompted the questions, and perhaps it will be interesting, perhaps it will sound ludicrous, But I think it's worth a try, and to see what the response is- And if there is a response, then that is fantastic or just to get it written down and look at it later, and you may feel free to read this and join in with the process of looking, for what that's worth to you. Without adieu, I'll continue authoring this document now that the background is introduced.

On the topic of the method and expected influence of abstract art on the viewer:

There is but small utility in seeking outside oneself except for to trigger the initial remembering process, but after the initial fire is lit you can do the entire thing yourself without reading anything... DNA is an omni-fluid template, it's infinitely malleable. Our DNA is as malleable as the will of the creator (which may as well be a metaphor or an allegory, the being;) And the confluence of its environment... A solid understanding of the nature of oneself is perhaps the most useful thing you can have and the spark to begin can be gleaned externally from a few really good books or artwork, but most people are not looking in the right types of places.

Well, so what is my big mission? In regards to how I hope to help others is a simple one in theory being that I am trying to execute this to the best of my ever changing understanding of self and the world around me is as follows: I am working to re-foster human relationships and morality and co-dynamic cooperation and the inter-operation of the self and the external from all angles I can think of.. From the outside in but really from the inside out. As funny and archetypical and trite that may sound, I feel that is where my greatest contribution to people outside myself lies. As in, the "what," that I'm here to do my best at contributing something to, in hopes that it will be solved in part, or at least that I will be able to make a mark in furthering the process along for someone, or others in some degree.. In this go around on the cosmic merry go round.

As far as morality goes, life is a collaborative multi-player game- and I am busily building tools for the future and some tools for the present, because I don't like where things have gone or where they're going, and I'm unwilling to give up my vision for a world where people are not afraid of each other; Where people can get along by working both together and independently- Learning to do things without needing copious sums of money and defining their worth by what they have.

I know full well you cannot make a horse drink water, but I'm going to do my best to shape the behaviors that lead to a fuller understanding of self to assist in generating a baseline of self actualization where the person realizes they are in fact the horse, and they have had all the tools buried inside themselves, the entire time, to cultivate that awareness of self so that they may connect with and nurture their true nature, and ultimately with the end goal of them being able to be of more solid use to themselves and others. All doing this in an honest, wholly-integral stepwise way that will lead to them realizing the water has been there the entire time, and that they have always been full.

As far as what death is and how that goes, I cannot say for certain, but my take on it is quite simple, and that is mortality is a relative thing, but it is such that when the body stops, that is when the will of the soul stops animating it. Morality on the other hand, is the assay or a measure of how one cares for their life and the lives of others.

As far as the general nature of morality, I think it has the possibility to be infinitely moldable by external circumstances, but the kernels and parameters are set to "fundamentally good" by default at birth, and this is very often changed by the external experiences, and skewed - often to the point of being unable to remember it. That said, a strong will does not give up its original nature, which is kind, loving, caring, and nurturing to other organisms, beings animals and people.. But given the aforementioned process of years of external influence to the contrary, the path back to this state of functionality and peace may be one of great introspection, and tumult. The thing stated by some religious doctrines of the past several hundred years therein that man is fundamentally wicked - I feel is a lie. Such that, man is taught to be wicked by external specific forces that reinforce animalistic primal fears deep in the DNA, and through the process of triggering them over and over they will eventually manifest outwardly from the corruption of ones innermost sanctum of being. This is what the path to wickedness in outline form appears as, just the same as one can foster becoming good, or strengthen their net effectiveness of being and doing good, you can strengthen the resolve of a being to be evil, by repetition, wearing away their resolve and self confidence to feel secure and safe. If you are already good- conversely you just become better at it, more effective, the more you practice it. If you are bad and trying to become good you have to work at being good.

If your experience of life is that people are mostly wicked, this would be really, really hard to understand, as the nurture you received was never able to be flipped on fully having this world be fundamentally good would feel like an entirely foreign concept to you as if some kind of fantasy, or delusion even.

To be happy with oneself is of the utmost importance, and trust of self goes hand in hand with mutual respect for other life forms. Because without trust of self one cannot mutually respect others or the self, this trust of self is the basis of and measure of ones willingness and ability to extend trust to others in an authentic and integral fashion.

Finally, without mutual respect there cannot be emotional-intimacy between a being and others or a being and animals, plants, or anything else living. This includes the way one conducts themselves within their environment, devoid of any interaction with other things that have the presence of being and are animated by a soul.

Anyway, no idea how this will go off as being comprehensible and useful, and I don't have comments enabled on this blog, intentionally so, but if you read this and find it interesting or useful, perhaps the format of edited responses to specific questions asked of me forming an article can be explored more in depth by doing it again, in the hopes that it will trigger something, as perhaps you have had the same question and this helped to answer it in part or full, which in turn ends up becoming something you can relate back to yourself in recalling your experiential pathwork, or to muse upon as you move forward- perhaps later becoming knowledge and ultimately wisdom with the ability to discern when it's relevant and when it's not to apply it.

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Category: my thoughts
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Through capitolism, competitive nature, a desire to stay connected, and overstimulation due to varying degrees in and of perception and human evolution and communication prowess, we as a global species have accidentally created a situation for ourselves where we are now facing a collectivist existential crisis in real time, life and connection are at an all time valued low point, primarily delimited and shaped by fiduciary means, or perception of opinion.  We are archiving the entire event, from the mundane to the over arching meta-taxonomical phylogeny of the disaspora, instead of using the tools mostly to create that which we wish to see, we are blinded in epistimological and ontological approach by engrained cultural and socio-economic assumptions, going further and further down the proverbial rabbit hole of definition and separation based on assumed and learned biases and guiding one another down a blind alley where emotional development, care and concern for others and knowledge of self are in desperate lack or very nearly gone, practical skills for survival are dramatically in decline, many teenagers don't even know how to cook a meal, and common kindness has become a nearly novel concept.

How do we un-do this, without having to take fifty steps backwards, and utilize what we have built, in new ways, to remain in control of our collective destiny as a species? How do we take twenty steps backwards to a suitable and unilaterally ecumenable baseline extant to ensure the longevity and quality of the human fabric, and therein, we do not self exterminate our home? 

Without excluding anyone based on fiscal merit or perceptive fabric alone, how do we grapple and synthesize emergent systems against the old ones, accounting a sensible and functional safe harbor for what works, making room for what could be and envision what needs to be, without defaulting back to the artifice of capitalism or a more primitive dog eat dog, without everything deconstructing and exploding, at a micro and macro broad strokes level- of both environmental stewardship and socio cultural accountability?

These are thoughts on my mind today and this morning... and i am beginning to flesh out my thoughts in writing, in hopes that if only for myself, to begin, i am able to synthesize the discordant melange of experiential and otherwise tangled intercorrelated webs of data floating about my cereberal noodles.

hope you're having a good afternoon, morning or evening...   :^)

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I think I want to attempt discussing the topic of free will.
Curious if I’ve gotten any better at explaining it.

Free will is proportional to the level of awareness that we have.

The more aware someone is, the more free will they have.
In an absolute state of awareness, you have absolute free will.
In a state of non-awareness, you have very little/no free will.

Awareness is what allows us to be fully present within ourselves, within our lives and within our relationships and connections with the world. By fully present, I mean genuinely present - as all that we are, on all levels of our being. Awareness is after all our ability to hold a full connection to ourselves and to the world. Nothing is left out, nothing is hidden, nothing is disconnected within - we know who we are, and we know what the world around is also.

When you truly know yourself, and you know the creation/reality you are in, you become very present in the moment - very awake, very alive, very embodied, very conscious- what we would call enlightened in a sense, or illuminated. Awareness is like a flashlight that you shine upon yourself and the world - in a full light, you can see everything, nothing stays hidden - all is revealed, all is within reach.

In a state of full awareness, as you go through life, you are fully present within yourself each moment, fully paying attention- you know who you are, you know what you want, you know where you’re going, you know what you are feeling within, you know the truth of your own journey, and you know how it fits within the grand journey also, you can feel and perceive how things work around you - you are basically very grounded in each moment, in each step - your attention is fully there, while at the same time internally you have access to all the information that you need.

This puts you in a place of immense power - as you walk through life - you are genuinely interacting in each moment with it - you are present with life every step of the way, you are standing on your own feet, anchoring yourself in it. You are not just watching life, as an observer, but actually living it, fully, in all of its intensity, and within the full intensity of who you are.

Life doesn’t move you - you take your own steps, and you move yourself through it, each moment, out of your own awareness and will. This is what gives us the ability to create and interact with life, the ability to bend things, to think and decide for ourselves, to create change, to switch journeys, to create impact. Awareness turns you into an anchor - it gives you weight, it makes you heavy, and life in a sense slows down where you are, it’s pulled in, and you have the ability to take it into any direction you’d like from there on, as you choose to move yourself.

This gives you absolute free will.
This gives you the ability to really change things.
What’s fascinating about this though is that while you have absolute free will, in a way, it appears and feels as if you have no free will - meaning that you are so aware of yourself, of who you are, of what you want your journey to be, so aware of your place in the world, so grounded, that you don’t even have to really ever decide anything - you just know what to do, where to go - that inner pull of awareness guides you all the way, because you just know who you are.

You could choose to do anything, go in any direction, you have the full power to do so, and yet, you will only ever choose to stay most true to yourself - to follow who you really are - each moment you will know just what to do. Out of infinite choices, you know exactly which one is yours. That’s the irony about absolute free will, from an absolute state of inner awareness - it fully exists, but is completely unnecessary. We don’t use it.

I remember worlds where we had such self awareness, where we were so connected to ourselves - so completely connected to the truth at the core of our beings - so powerful in our ability to decide our journeys, so powerful in our ability to create with life - and yet it wasn’t even a concept to go against that truth, to randomly change journeys, or do anything other than what naturally just flowed out of us. Everything was a flow, and we each had our own - the flow of authentically being ourselves. And when we did just that, we all flew in such balance with each other - because at the core of our beings we want to grow, to evolve, to love, to enjoy life - and to flow in alignment with that is to flow in full respect of everyone else as well. It was so easy, and it never dawned on us to do anything other than that. Nobody had any interest in suffering, in destruction, in abuse, in going against the truth.

In a sense, free will fully existed, but it was irrelevant, because there was only one flow of life pouring from within. Only one truth to follow.

In our current reality, in a way, we are experiencing for the first time the true meaning of free will, at least in the way we humans define it here - the ability to choose anything, to go anywhere, change our journey as radically as we want at any moment- including fully going against that authentic inner flow, including going against truth, against life. We have the choice to go against ourselves - it exists here. We can really do whatever we want here, all is open, and all is allowed.

Neither one of us carries the level of awareness that would prevent us from going into any other direction than our own. We have traded awareness in exchange for this version of free will. A very different kind of journey - when you are walking in the dark, clueless as to who you are, as to what you want from yourself, from your journey, from life - and your flashlight is malfunctioning or very dim, and you can barely see anything within or outside of yourself. It’s so easy to go on a journey that was never yours to begin with. Or let alone, how easy it is to disrupt the journey of another - even when they themselves are actually walking in truth and awareness of who they are.

Awareness creates harmony, flow.
It creates the freedom to be ourselves.

Lack of self awareness, or lack of care for awareness can quickly create chaos, disorder, messy flows. It creates the freedom to be anything we want to be - including anything other than ourselves.

Of course, there will be many souls curious to experience this, to experience what it’s like to be anything other than your own self - even the complete opposite of who you are. Curious to experience a state of very little or even no self awareness at all. But the thing about having very little or no self awareness, and this is where it becomes ironic again, is that you have the free will to be anything, and yet, because you are not present within yourself, not grounded into the moment, you are not even there at all to make decisions for yourself. Any choice you might make won’t even come from you, because you yourself are not even there, it will come from any of the aspects within you that aren’t you. A lack of self awareness takes away your free will altogether - and all you can do is float in a sea of uncertainty, pushed by whichever awareness you do hold within (not your own, but taken from others, in the absence of your own).

A lack of self awareness basically throws your natural free will completely out the window, and replaces it with a disconnected, impersonal, random, often instinctual form of free will - you just do things without knowing why you’re doing them, without putting your own personal weight, your inner depth, your truth into it. When you withdraw yourself from the equation, anything could happen, and mostly we operate on programs we pick up from others - so we let our lives be dictated by anyone else who can figure out how to do so - what a power to give to someone, to dictate our choices.

People in this reality are all over the spectrum when it comes to awareness and free will - some are very aware and hold a great deal of free will of their own, some are very unaware and hold very little free will of their own and so many are somewhere in the middle, holding some awareness and free will, but also often holding very little awareness and very little free will. It’s a matter of choosing in which direction of the spectrum we want to go - chaos or order, true free will or no free will, being ourselves or not being ourselves, awareness or non awareness.

I think I’m getting better at translating all of this, at least I hope I am - for me such an incredibly profound and important topic.

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